This is the story of the Wedding. Out of all my bike and Camino adventures, this one has been the most special, challenging and memorable of them all.
Part 1. Why have a wedding?
Steph and I both liked to turn our noses up at tradition, believing that we’re independent thinkers, revolutionaries, “different” from everyone else. Why spend so much money on just one day? Why buy a silly dress to use for a few hours? Why not use the money to go traveling or buy a house? Why involve the government in your personal affairs, if you want to be with someone – it should be between you and that person – not the civil servants of whichever country you live in!
Despite the fact that we loved going to weddings of family and friends, we never really saw ourselves having one.
Little by little, the concept of marriage changed for us. There was an appeal to make the commitment, to make the relationship stronger, knowing that we’re both in it for the long haul. In terms of creating “flow” in one’s life, marriage is actually a great way to put some boundaries on life possibilities. Once you find that ideal, you’re with that person through thick and thin – all life decisions are bound by the rules that you will be together. There is something freeing about knowing that one has made a decision with all certainty – so they don’t even have to consider any other possibility. With Steph, there were never any doubts – so why not make it official?
The concept of a wedding was also appealing to us as a rite of passage, a life stage, a ritual and tradition that makes us human. It is the bringing together of family and friends, a communal bonding act, a celebration of love.
There is also security in marriage, to know that whatever life throws at us, we are there for each other. It gives us certainty that we really do love each other and won’t separate when something “better” comes along (well, it’s still possible, but will require a lot of annoying paperwork and explaining to family to actually divorce). Although mostly symbolic and bureaucratic in nature, maybe it would somehow make the bond stronger and more enduring.
During our yearly couple’s life planning session, we realized that marriage did make sense for us… one day in the distant future. Steph declared that she wanted to be married by the age of 40 and on top of it, she wanted to be proposed to; a reasonable request. I like concrete goals, objectives and requests so I secretly sprung into action, realizing that in order to get married, one first needed to propose. Of course, I pretended to not take her request too seriously, but internally, the gears were turning on an engagement scheme.
On our annual pilgrimage to Ibiza, I executed on the plan and the engagement was a smashing success. We milked the ‘post-engagement’ honeymoon for as long as possible: existing in our own love bubble for days and weeks after the event. Our friends and family were so excited and happy for us. Everyone wished us “Congratulations!” – and we had barely done anything yet! It felt fantastic to receive the support and love from our community.
The honeymoon stage lasted until we started planning for the wedding. It then abruptly ended and we entered the next stage that I lovingly call ‘The Wedding Planning War Room’.
Part 2. The long and winding search for the venue
After the ‘honeymoon’ phase of the engagement, it was time to get down to business. We had just completed our summer tour of North America – visiting friends and family in our respective hometowns and home-countries. It was a wonderful trip down memory lane and a unique chance to show each other where we came from.
The month was now September, 2023 and it was time to plan a damn wedding. Naturally, I created a spreadsheet and started furiously contacting venues, filling in cost estimates, gathering information, and aggressively planning. We set up several viewings, made an appointment with a wedding planner and began the challenging task of carefully choosing our invitees by creating a working guest list of friends and family with several tiers.
Steph, on the other hand, was a bit more hesitant. She still wasn’t fully sold on the idea of a traditional wedding, she did not like the idea of wearing a big puffy white cupcake dress, having all the attention on her, and spending so much money on one big day. She also had a very specific vision for what it should look like (although that had yet to fully come out of her) – it had to involve Spanish vibes, old buildings, vines, rustic furniture, mediterranean decor. She didn’t want to invite people to come all the way out here and then give them anything less than a stunning, beautiful, thoughtfully crafted and elegant experience.
I was less strict on the ‘vision’ of what it would be; I wanted to do some form of a gathering – even if it was as basic as potluck style, in a simple dining hall with our immediate family and best friends. I was less concerned with the aesthetics and more focused on the fact that bringing people together in a cozy and comfortable setting with good food, drink and music were all the ingredients that would be needed for a jolly good time and communal celebration of our love for each other. Perhaps, it was my experiences volunteering as a hospitalero voluntario in an albergue where dozens of strangers would meet for the first time and have a fantastic day in a rustic dining hall, eating simple yet hearty food and talking until the wee hours of the evening, bonding over the shared experience of walking the Camino, preparing food, and breaking bread together.
In summary, Steph was OK with having a simple elopement ceremony between the two of us – but if we wanted to involve more people, the event should be properly created, designed, envisioned, decorated to the highest of our abilities. Through Steph’s eyes, every detail should be thoughtfully curated. Doing it at 90% – or even 99.9998% would not be acceptable – it would have to be done with 99.9999% quality (preferably 100.0%). I, on the other hand, wanted something involving members of our life: close family, lifelong friends, local friends. It could take place at a pizza joint for all I cared! The important thing was gathering people together for a communal celebration of the love between Steph and I. The difference in our styles wasn’t just the venue and aesthetics, it was also ‘who to invite’ and what ‘type of celebration’ it would be. This was due to differences in our hosting styles and family of origin dynamics, so it was quite challenging for us to agree on the size of the guest list and the style of the celebration.
If it was up to me, the wedding would be planned in 3 weeks but have zero design aesthetics, an average guest experience and the colors would definitely clash. If it was up to Steph however, the wedding would win awards for the most beautiful wedding ever created in the history of the known universe, but it would be completed in 2045! With our powers combined, we tried to find the sweet spot between my obsessive need to execute on a plan and Steph’s steadfast eye for detail, design and artistic perfection.
The road to envision an event that worked for everyone was long, challenging, fun, frustrating, exciting, maddening, rewarding, exasperating, thrilling, painful, joyous, sad and hilarious. All possible emotions were felt and experienced! It was the ultimate couples therapy bootcamp, where we learned how we work together, we definitely pushed each other’s buttons, we drove each other crazy, and we eventually found our sweet spot of collaboration where each of our strong character traits were then complimenting the other. I had several epiphanies that the “true” purpose of throwing a wedding is actually an elaborate relationship test: if you can survive the stressful wedding planning process you pass the test and are allowed to be married. The wedding itself is a celebration of surviving the vortex that is wedding planning.
If I’ve learned anything from this process, it’s that life is a rollercoaster – emotions and feelings come and go. The only constant is that things are constantly changing: the highs and lows never last forever. This too, shall pass.
We visited dozens of venues, many of which were promptly discarded by Steph and her discerning eye for beauty and design. We found several contenders that had potential, but in the end we aborted after getting into the details (price, logistics, availability). I was partial to the idea of a “compound” where our out of town friends and family could all be stationed, to encourage multiple and repeated interactions over the days leading up to the wedding. From there, the concept of ‘Wedding Week’ was born – not just a one day wedding – but a week of activities and events, loosely organized to facilitate natural interactions and gathering.
We mapped out every possible scenario of guest size, location and venue: from a tiny destination micro-wedding idea on the island of Mallorca to an expensive, budget-busting, “invite everyone we know” bash at the most prestigious venue in town (6,000 Euro rental fee for 12 hours of use). We thought about elopements, restaurant weddings – and in a moment of pure desperation – I decorated our apartment terrace as a “home wedding” venue and made an aisle of plants and cafe lights. “We’ll do the damn wedding at our house, ME CAGO EN LA P&#@!”
After months of visiting venues, running cost estimates, talking to planners, endlessly discussing possible scenarios, making ‘war-room’ post it notes on our kitchen wall: we had nothing. No venue fit all our needs. It was either too expensive, too far, not the right aesthetics, not practical. We couldn’t find that goldilocks venue that was just the right amount of Spanish charm, ease of execution, reasonably priced or “wedding week compatible”.
It was early March of 2024 and we still had no viable venue. We spent weeks in ‘startup mode’ furiously trying to solve the problem. At times, we felt like we were in the throes of a meth bender, staying up late strategizing and discussing potential options. Swept up in the vortex of wedding planning, too much caffeine and not enough sleep, we entered manic phases where we were convinced that we found the solution! “This is it! It’s so simple, why didn’t we think of this before? We’ll do XYZ.” After we crashed from our high, we realized we were desperately trying to find a solution and it wasn’t viable for one reason or another.
Before the wedding even began, we mourned the death of it. We considered postponing to 2025, but that felt so wrong. Another year of angst and searching? No thanks. We fully understand why some couples do a simple elopement – it’s a huge relief and so much stress can be avoided.
We created a mental deadline of when we needed to find a venue and it was fast approaching. To use an American Football game as an analogy: We were losing by 5 points and we had the ball at our own 30 yard line. There was plenty of time left in the game for possible winning drive, but we had to execute. We had to move the ball. No punting, no turnovers. There was no time for errors.
Things were looking bleak but we still held on to a shred of hope. Out of the blue, our friend Miranda suggested a local Dénia hotel and restaurant; Hotel Nou Roma. At this point, we had heard many suggestions from people – most of them we had already investigated, so we were cautious whenever anyone else had a ‘helpful’ idea. This was different. I had heard of Nou Roma and walked by it, but never fully explored it. It seemed a bit unknown, hidden and mysterious. It was always under our nose but we never really noticed it.
We visited the venue and saw the courtyard; an authentic Spanish patio with plenty of plants, old stone structures, typical archways, big beams of old-fashioned construction. Upon seeing it together, I was pleasantly surprised when Steph said “this could work.” It was located in the center of the city, but a few blocks from the main street: a lush green oasis in the middle of quaint and bustling Dénia. We timed the walk from our apartment to the venue, and it was only 5 minutes. They even have a restaurant – which we found out is highly regarded and part of a group of restaurants that include some of the most prestigious and reputable chefs and spots. On top of it, it’s a boutique hotel – giving the opportunity for our out-of-town guests to stay there. We met with Violeta, the manager, and she said that weddings are possible, we can do a ceremony and we can even have a DJ with music (as long as all the rooms are occupied by our guests). At this point, we were expert wedding venue hunters; we knew all the questions to ask. As we went through each one, we became more and more hopeful. I guess that this must be the place!
After a few more visits and discussions we pulled the trigger – we had finally found our venue! We loved the ease, simplicity and beauty of it. It’s local to Dénia, a few blocks from Calle Loreto – this means that all our guests could stay in Dénia and use it as their base. We could have Wedding Week events in town without the need for complicated logistics to gather everyone. The venue has a hotel and restaurant built in, which simplifies the planning process. It oozes quaint Spanish charm and the patio is already beautifully decorated with plants, old-fashioned lights and Spanish architecture. We scored the touchdown and won the game! It came down to the wire, but we accomplished the goal of picking a damn venue, setting a date and declaring a big YES to doing a wedding. After celebrating, it was time to get back to work and plan a party.
Of course, there were plenty of fun moments that go along with planning a wedding. For example, we needed ‘engagement-style photos’ for the website and invites; we took this opportunity to spend a hilarious evening frolicking in a field of orange groves, hoping the farmers wouldn’t yell at us for being weirdos and trespassing on their property.
Part 3. Place chosen, time to execute
After choosing the venue, we had plenty of work to do. Deciding on the date was a massive decision. We agonized over which weekend of September would be ideal. We feared the infamous ‘gota fria’ which is a weather phenomenon of sudden and ferocious storms, often dumping a year’s worth of rainfall in a few days. These often occur in September. Besides the gota fria, September is usually the most ideal month in the area; the insane summer heat has usually faded, leaving a perfect temperature with clear blue skies and bright colors. In the end, September 14th felt like the right day; dead center of September, it would give our guests a week before and after the wedding to enjoy the wonderful September weather. We had 6 months to plan a wedding, and those months would absolutely fly by.
The next step was creating a website to inform our guests about the wedding, travel information, the highlights of Dénia and have a central repository for all the information. It is a big ask to tell friends and family to fly halfway across the world to attend our wedding, so we wanted to make it as easy and painless as possible. In my mind, this was a simple task: “I’ll ship it tomorrow”, I naively declared. After setting up the logistics of signing up for a service and picking a theme, Steph took over the design and content work. Fast forward 3 weeks and we had an excellent website with all information that guests could want. It was time to send out the invites! But first, the design must be envisioned and created by Steph. After a week of drafts, design mock-ups and brainstorming – we finally started sending out official email invites with a beautifully designed invitation graphic.
We started collecting RSVP’s and began the mad dash to securing vendors and making 1,000’s of decisions.
Within a month of deciding on the date, we found a DJ, celebrant, wedding planner and photographers. It required lots of emails, calls, visits and questions in order to feel comfortable hiring each one. It’s a lot of work – but well worth it.
Once the vendors were secured, there were still so many things to decide.
What songs should we choose for the entry of groom, the bride, and the flower girls, etc?
How should the party flow? What is the exact length of time for each section?
What colour should the napkins be? What content should we put in the ceremony?
During this process, I somehow escaped for a 7 day bike race across the Pyrenees and a quick visit to North America for a Birthday celebration and family reunion. These little breaks definitely helped us maintain our sanity.
The suit and dress shopping was also quite the adventure. We visited dozens of stores and I tried on so many suits. We learned about wedding suits; the groom needs to be a step above the guests. It would be a faux paux for the groom to dress as if he was a lowly peasant wedding guest. He has to be fancier, more ceremonial, held to a higher standard. We will be damn kings and queens! I write this with jest and sarcasm but it did make sense. Once you are committed to a wedding, it’s hard to say “no” to certain things. We’re spending a lot of money on photographers, a nice venue, makeup and hair artists – we better look like celebrities with fancy dresses and suits, right?! It’s a sunk cost fallacy. Just keep throwing money into the fire pit! Money became meaningless, all frugal tendencies I had once possessed were abruptly discarded.
Steph worked furiously on all the design aspects: graphics, signage, color schemes, flower choices, outfit recommendations for guests.
We spent hours and days working on the ceremony; crafting our vows, pouring over potential readings/poems, collaborating with Amanda – our brilliant Celebrant – to create a bespoke ceremony that was fitting to us.
It was hard work, but it felt purposeful. We had a clear goal. We had a challenge. We had a purpose. There were highs and lows but rarely a dull moment. The entire process was a roller-coaster, a wide range of emotions: frustration, anger, worry, excitement, joy, accomplishment. It was one of the hardest “Caminos” that I have ever had to walk; but completely worth it. It was character-building, life-enhancing, teaching. It gave us confidence to know that we can work through really challenging situations and come out clean on the other side, knowing that we gave it our all, worked through the problems and learned about ourselves and each other in the process.
A fun part about having a wedding is that your friends throw a surprise party for you. Something both Steph and I didn’t really expect. Steph had 2 surprise bachelorette parties; a spa day and a restaurant/salsa dancing night. Lucky gal! I also had 2: an annual ‘Guyz’ trip with San Francisco friends that was transformed into the ‘Patchelor Party’ weekend in wine country of Northern California and a local “stag-do” (complete surprise) by the ‘Denia Crew’ friends involving a red cowboy hat and live music of Spanish hits from the 80’s, 90’s and 2000’s. We were reminded that the wedding really isn’t actually one day – it’s an entire journey and several life events – rolled into one.
Part 4. Wedding Week
La Acogida (The Welcoming)
The wedding week had finally arrived. The first guests were Kim (Steph’s sister), her husband Mike and their very cute daughter, Eve. We picked them up from the Valencia airport, bringing cold drinks and snacks as I was trained to do during my stints as a Hospitalero Voluntario.
“La Acogida” is the receiving of guests; after a long journey (on an airplane or on Camino), they are greeted with a calming smile, cold drink and peaceful presence. Without realizing it, I found myself naturally stepping into the role of Hospitalero, serving our guests, making them comfortable and welcoming them to the Wedding Week experience. I felt needed, useful and purposeful; it was pure flow. After a few days of this, I realized that I had been transformed into a hospitalero voluntario, wedding week style, and decided to fully embrace it by wearing my hospitalero necklace pendant.
Over the next 2 weeks, I would drive to the Valencia airport 6 times. It was exhausting, but well worth it. The next pick up was for Steph’s Mom and Aunt, Thelma and Espie. I considered hiring a professional driver to pick up my family, the Noonans after – but in the end I couldn’t bear the thought of not being there to properly greet them and make sure they were OK – even if it required 2 trips to the Valencia airport the same day.
On Wednesday, I picked up my best buds from the San Francisco days: Murray, Steve and Adam. I was honored that they were able to make it; an international trip leaving young children at home is never an easy task. I wanted to maximize our togetherness and make the experience as comfortable as possible for them. Hanna, Steph’s niece, hitched a ride with us as well, claiming the last spot in the car. It was a wedding week bus!
We had a quick meal at Els Magazinos and then randomly ran into my childhood friend Tim and his partner Hannah in the streets of Dénia! It was so fun to greet friends that way, such a surprise and excitement to see them. “What are you doing here?!?!!” I exclaimed. Well, obviously, they’re here for our wedding – but that makes it no less exciting to see them unexpectedly.
Welcome Paella Party
The first ‘semi-official’ event of the Wedding Week was the Paella Party at our apartment. It was a simple, yet highly successful recipe for a gathering: order Paella from the local to-go Paella joint: Gastropaella. They deliver and have a special van outfitted with horizontal slots to hold Paellas. They literally give you the giant paella pan and then collect it later that day. It’s one of our favorite Paella restaurants, so we wanted to have all the out of town guests experience it as a welcome to Spain – as well as show them our apartment and give them a slice of life of how we live.
It was a wonderful gathering of family and friends.
Dad showed up in his biking uniform and newly rented beater bike. Onson (friend from university) and his brother Dickson brought some delicious desserts and cakes. Therese (my Mom), Thelma, Espie, Mary, Tom and Adrienne all mingled. Adorable little Eve (and her parents Kim and Mike) also made an appearance.
We did a fun group photo to commemorate the event. The schedule said it would last for 3 hours, but ended up closer to 5 hours because everyone was having so much fun.
It was a beautiful day and we got to showcase our apartment terrace that we fell in love with nearly 4 years ago when we first moved here. Dad and Steph chatted on the terrace; Dad couldn’t stop talking about how cool the lifestyle and vibe is here, how people are gathered in the streets and having drinks, the beautiful view of the castle and the excellent weather. It’s one thing to see pictures, but it’s another to fully experience it. Our plan was working as expected! We wanted to give our invitees a ‘Spanish Experience’, facilitate repeat interactions and entice them to come visit us more often.
Mom (Therese) gave us some sage advice: “Expect things to go wrong on your wedding day and the fun part can be the surprise of what those moments will be. In the end they’re really just small details that only you will remember!”
At the end of the day, Steph and I reflected on the first event of the Wedding Week and I declared to her “if this was the only event of the wedding, it would be completely worth the price.” I stand by that statement. After every event, I said the same thing. Each subsequent gathering was just icing on the cake.
The Legal Marriage Event
What is marriage and what is a wedding? What makes it official? It’s just gathering people in a room and having two individuals declare their love and commitment to each other, right?
In order to get officially married, one needs to involve the government. Forms must be turned in, papers signed, authorities alerted, bureaucracy followed. In Spain, this process is never easy – especially for foreigners. Luckily, we are experts in Spanish paperwork – and we try to embrace it as a “fun” challenge!
The road to the legal marriage event (Civil Ceremony) was long, winding and arduous. It required collecting ancient paperwork from far-flung corners of North America (thanks to our respective mothers, Therese and Thelma). We made the trek to the big city of Madrid, visiting the very serious diplomatic civil servant of Canada in the futuristic embassy section of the city, climbing to the 29th floor, waiting in a strange room with bullet-proof glass. Patrick visited the courthouse of Dénia no less than 10 times to ask questions, correct multiple misspellings of our names, turn in forms and clarify documents needed. We were required to bring a live human into the courthouse as the witness, who’s only job duty was to say “yes” when the civil servant asked if he lived in Dénia. Amadeo, our local friend, performed that duty to the fullest of his abilities.
After all that work, we were given a yellow sticky note with a number scrawled on it that ensured our file had been merely opened. We won the battle, but the war was far from over. We would be alerted in 8 weeks that our paperwork had been approved “ya podéis casaros’ (you can now get married) the functionary mechanically informed us, yet with the smallest twinkle in his eye.
After that first step, we had a quick celebration, then went back to work. There were more forms to turn in – this time to the local government to finalize the marriage paperwork and book the Civil Ceremony in the Ayuntamiento of Dénia (City Hall).
Naturally, we chose September 12th for the civil ceremony because September 11th is a date to be avoided and September 13th fell on a Friday which is clearly bad luck. The “real” wedding was on September 14th, so it fit in perfectly with our wild and wacky wedding week of activities.
We had no idea what to expect during this event, there was minimal planning that went into it and it was simply a good excuse to add another event to the Wedding Week. It would be a cultural experience to have friends and family show up for this unknown ceremony in Spanish, in an official building run by elected politicians. They asked us if we wanted to give speeches, exchange rings or walk in to music – the answer to all these questions was an enthusiastic “NO!”. We had already spent countless hours planning the “real” wedding ceremony and party. This one would be an afterthought, a lark, a kooky event, a wacky adventure. Two North Americans, marrying in a foreign country with our closest family and handful of friends that arrived early for the wedding week.
On September 12th, we woke up and said to each other – “Well, today is our legal wedding day; we better make ourselves presentable!” Steph started the morning with her 30 min, nourishing gold Korean face mask while I viewed the quintessential “how to tie a tie” video on YouTube. After 40 minutes of frustratingly following the directions, I had a decent knot at roughly the correct length. We both felt an air of levity, lightness and whimsy – this was a no-pressure event. We just show up, see what happens and then everyone goes to a bar for a drink and pintxo.
Some friends and family came over in the morning and we took pictures. We were all smiles. I couldn’t find my belt. Oh well! Luckily, the custom-made suit from Boston that I acquired for Murray’s wedding still fit me like a glove.
We started our walk towards City Hall and I brought the small speaker and put the song “It’s Alright” (by The Impressions) on repeat. The lyrics and groove of the song sum up my precise feelings in that moment:
Say it’s all right
It’s Alright (Song by The Impressions)
(It’s all right)
Say it’s all right
(It’s all right)
It’s all right, have a good time
‘Cause it’s all right, whoa, it’s all right
Someday I’ll find me a woman
Who will love and treat me real nice
Then my woe’s got to go
And my love, she will know
From morning, noon, and night
And she’s got to
Say it’s all right
(It’s all right)
Say it’s all right
(It’s all right)
It’s all right, have a good time
‘Cause it’s all right, whoa, it’s all right
Now everybody clap your hands
Now give yourselves a chance
Everything felt “right” in that moment. There we were, Steph and I, walking through Dénia, dressed up, me in a sharp grey suit, her in a beautiful simple white dress. Smiles plastered on our faces. No worries, no anxiety, no problems: pure happiness and bliss. It’s the day of our legal wedding! People waved to us, smiled at us and we were beaming with love and excitement. We felt like celebrities as we walked down the familiar streets and my brothers took pictures of us, paparazzi style.
Since, I couldn’t find my belt, we stopped by ‘Amadeo’, our preferred men’s fashion store in Denia on the way – which happens to be owned by our friend, Amadeo, who also acted as our witness for the initial paperwork. Amadeo was nowhere to be found (he would later show up at the ceremony) so we continued onward. Oh well, the show must go on, belt or no belt. Spoiler; the lack of belt did not cause ruin to the day, debase our guest experience, or cause the sun to fall onto the earth – destroying all mankind. Of course, it’s great to try to look your best – but if there’s a small thing missing from an outfit, who cares, right?! It’s all made up anyway.
It was a beautifully sunny day in Dénia, the boiling heat of August already had faded away into the perfect end of summer vibes of September. We arrived at the Ayuntamiento to the welcoming smiles and hugs of friends and family. Everyone looked great – dressed up, but still casual and comfortable. This was a low-stress, low-pressure event – and the vibes were exciting yet calm.
We eventually meandered into the ‘Sala de Plenos’ on the second floor; a barren yet stately hall with pictures of the king and an unknown historical figure 100’s of years old. It looked like the setting for a United Nations meeting or a political debate.
I set up the camera tripod to document everything. Everyone sat down and Steph and I entered together, humming “Here comes the Bride”, improvising a smiley and fun walk down the “aisle”.
We sat down at the main table, facing our friends and family – flanked by our two witnesses, Jo and Pablo, both dressed in the same shade of blue coincidentally; part of the ‘Denia Crew’ an international group of expats that became fast friends, united by the universal positive vibes and the shared interest in finding our own piece of paradise that we call Dénia.
The ceremony was officiated by an elected official who read some beautiful Spanish poems and outlined several legal codes that need to be enforced in a marriage; equal sharing of duties, caring for parents and children, etc. I still need to review those items as they are a legal contract and can serve in resolving any marital disputes. “According to article 5, section 2 – I am right and should win this argument” – I’m sure that will go over swimmingly with my new bride [sarcasm].
I found it very challenging to fully absorb the experience. I wanted to observe everyone’s faces, listen to the speaker, look at my bride, just be present. My attention flitted from one thing to another. I was also well aware that everyone was looking at me. It was a very unique and bizarre feeling. This same feeling would be amplified 10,000 times in the “real” ceremony that would come in a few days.
The ceremony was beautiful, fun, quirky, succinct and perfect – it ended with us agreeing to the legal terms of the marriage by saying “Sí, queiro”, followed by a kiss and cheer from the crowd. We had to sign several papers. I know now what it’s like to be a politician and sign new resolutions into law. There were plenty of pictures, embraces, chatting. Despite it only being the “legal” ceremony, it still brought up emotions for Steph and I as well as family members. It is a life event, something that everyone involved will always remember in one way or another. It’s touching, emotional and moving.
You only get married once (in theory), so why not milk it and have as many ceremonies, events and parties as you can!?
We made our way to ‘Txoko Bar’ – a Basque themed bar that has outdoor seating and pintchos. We ended up all sitting outside on a long table, flanked with high stools. It was perfect. We enjoyed drinks, pintxos and the Spanish sun together: visiting, catching up, yaking, taking photos. I felt so happy and at ease. This was Wedding Week perfection, the true Spanish Experience.
Eating, Hiking and More Eating
There were plenty of other fun Wedding Week activities like Flamenco Night at Casa Benjamin, hike to Cova de Aigua, rehearsal at Nou Roma and Friday dinner at Republic. I’m so grateful that we were able to fully maximize togetherness in the days leading up to the big day.
The Big Day
As I sit here, nearly two weeks after the big day, I’m having trouble putting down words which adequately capture the day of the wedding. There were so many moments and emotions. It was all a blur. It seemed to last forever yet be finished in a few seconds. With the help of memories, notes, audio messages, journals and photos – I will try to describe my experience.
There are 1,000’s of moments, conversations, connections, visuals, feelings, events to process.
We had already lived through nearly 5 days of “Wedding Week” – seeing friends and family for various activities such as the Paella Lunch, Civil Ceremony, Casa Benjamin Dinner, Cova de Aigua hike, the Rehearsal and Rehearsal Dinner. We felt at ease with everyone there and the wedding day was a natural progression. If I hadn’t seen anyone until the big day, there would have been a lot more nerves and anxiety.
At that point, we were running on pure adrenaline. Not only was it a busy week of socializing, we were still also putting the finishing touches on the design and planning of the wedding itself (mostly Steph). On top of it, the previous 3-4 weeks had been extremely stressful, busy and we were sleep deprived as we tried to close out all the loose ends of planning. It was over a month of accumulated sleep deprivation and nearly constant stress. It sounds rough, but there were also many moments of happiness, joy, peace and ecstasy – as we made progress through large milestones and felt so hopeful that the big day would be special. Once friends and family arrived, being with them magically made the feelings of exhaustion and stress melt away. It was the perfect cure. We always felt relaxed, joyous, present and at ease when we joined in for activities of the wedding week. Once we went home, it was another story – we often regressed into worry, stress and fretting over minute details of the day. So it is, the roller-coaster of life and wedding planning.
Luckily we had lots of support from friends and family. Everyone pitched in for the plethora of tasks and chores to do: moving boxes, helping with rides, communicating to guests, delivering a forgotten tie on wedding day, filling up and organizing and entire carload of wedding paraphernalia, helping us choose the music for the ceremony.
The night before the wedding was no different than the days leading up to it: we did not sleep well and had major insomnia (expressed in different ways: me waking up at 4 AM, unable to fall back to sleep – Steph staying up until 4 AM). We were powered by pure adrenaline and excitement.
We had already moved into our hotel suite at Hotel Nou Roma and went down for our breakfast. It was so fun to see friends and family there, enjoying a casual and relaxing morning meal. We immediately felt at ease, joyous and relaxed. It was the day of our wedding! Warren gave me some good advice that morning: “Milk it as much as you can, it will be over in the blink of an eye.” I felt manic, happy and filled with excitement. We were kings and queens for the day! It was so wonderful to see our vision come to life – to have our friends and family staying at the same place, visiting, enjoying breakfast at their own tables yet casually chatting, visiting and staying hi: our own tribal compound.
After trying to force myself to eat (a wedding week is much like ultra endurance cycling – you should always be eating in order to not bonk), it was time to start getting ready.
It was a manic blur of errands and activities. Luckily, Hotel Nou Roma is a 5 minute walk to our apartment and everything is nearby. I went to my preferred barbershop,’Peluqueria Style’, to get my beard shaped and trimmed. As usual, they were efficient, meticulous and professional – I felt like a million bucks. They even gave me an extra neck cleanup, on the house, when I mentioned it was my wedding day.
It was time to go back to our apartment and “get ready”. I was a ball of anxiety and nerves. If I stopped moving, I would either become emotional and start crying or the anxiety would massively increase. Therefore, I stayed in continuous motion which is my preferred state of existence. I finally understood the concept of the “getting ready” portion of the day – where the bride and groom get all dressed and cleaned up with their respective support team. It helps to be together with your best friends when you’re preparing for a big event. The mood is lightened, they ease your worries, make you laugh. The anxiety was manageable and I was able to mostly surf it, make light of it and laugh together. Murray and my brothers were also a bit nervous for their speeches and emceeing duties – it helped immensely that we were all together to feel the nerves and excitement as one unit. By the time Adam and Steve came over, it was all laughs, silliness, nervous excitement and smiles. Anxiety is not always a bad thing, it can be excitement anxiety – not worried anxiety.
The photographers came over and they were fantastic in letting us be our silly selves while still giving direction to take some cool group shots. I’m pretty sure I opened the door in my underwear, but they didn’t bat an eye. That’s part of the getting ready experience, right?!
The guys and I finished getting ready and walked together through town, feeling like celebrities. It was mid-afternoon, siesta hour, and the streets were mostly empty but for a few random German tourists who smiled and cheered us on.
Meanwhile, Steph and the girls were frantically running around as well – putting on makeup, doing their hair, prepping the flower girls – definitely more work required than the guys!
I compare the day to taking a massive dose of psychedelic mushrooms. In the beginning, there are lots of nerves and anxiety as your body tries to figure out what’s happening to it. There’s an impending sense of something greater than you can control which is taking over your body. Your mind knows that it is losing a grip on reality and there is nothing that it can do. At first it resists, it’s nervous, it’s worried, there are lots of intense emotions on the come-up. This wedding day experience was similar. It was the feeling of “oh shit, this is overwhelming, is this actually happening, I think I took too much” Also knowing that there is no going back, you have to simply surrender to it. Let it wash over you. Feel the joy, ecstasy and let the experience unfold how it wants to. And then you will be transported to a higher state of consciousness where all of your best friends and family are there, smiling and cheering for you as you declare your love to your soulmate in the most beautiful setting imaginable.
Arriving at the venue set off a new wave of nerves. It was rather chaotic; a hive of activity – the planner was rushing about putting on the final touches. The flower team was setting things up in the ceremony room. Violeta asked me about a branch that was in the way of one of the ceremony seats. I nervously fiddled with my tripod to try to capture the ceremony. My parents were confused about when the first look was. This was the scary part of the psychedelic trip when you’re convinced you accidently doubled the recommended mushroom dose.
We did the “First Look” with my parents – where the photographers catch our reactions when we see each other for the first time. Things were a bit chaotic before the wedding, so I already saw my parents. But we decided to “pretend” to see each other for the first time. It was still just as touching for us to see my Mom and Dad all dressed up on my wedding day, big smiles and proud eyes. As we hugged, my Mom said “we were the ones that had the first look – when you were born!”.
Steph and I then had our own First Look experience, holding hands and looking the other way – and then on the count of three we turned to face each other. She looked stunning! In a beautiful white dress, elegant hair and tasteful makeup. She was radiant!
Then, when the guests started to arrive, the waves of ecstasy and joy started to crash down on me. I saw Jonathan and Linda, friends from the Camino, that we hadn’t seen in over a year. They just strolled into Nou Roma, it was so wonderful to see them for the first time. The experience of people arriving at my wedding, looking absolutely beautiful, coming so far to celebrate us – it was an amazing feeling. I was overjoyed with gratitude and love that people would do something like that. It was such an honor to have everyone there. I saw Matt and we embraced, hugging each other like weirdos. It was pure joy and happiness. The same with Eva, Brian, Tom, the Dénia Crew! Such excitement to see friends (many whom I had not seen for so long) – all gathering in one place. I understand why everyone says it’s the best day ever!
Then, the moment came. Everyone was seated but for my parents, brothers and Murray – we all had special entrances to our chosen personalized music. We were in the back, peaking at all our guests who were seated. The ceremony area seemed so quaint and cute. Seeing everyone there, immediately put me at ease. The size of the group was so manageable – it wasn’t a faceless crowd of strangers – it was an intimate gathering of 60 friends and family. I also felt super relaxed because my brothers, Dad, Murray and I were all bickering about which order we would enter. Dad and Joe would be the more serious ‘aisle’ walkers while Murray and Tom would be silly. It was hilarious, lighthearted and expected. The mood was relaxed, casual and carefree. Yes, we had a plan that we spent months crafting every detail – but in the end, we could still improvise, be silly, and just let it flow.
When the brothers, Dad and Murray walked in to ‘Hey Nineteen’ with everyone cheering and clapping to the beat – that was the moment that I felt completely at ease, no nerves only excitement, joy and smiles. I had a giant grin plastered on my face and my neurons were exploding in joy. It was an amazing feeling. Mom and I sauntered in, dance-walking to my favorite song ‘Naive Melody’ by Talking Heads. while everyone cheered us on. She did a great job, dancing along to the music, as happy as ever with me. Standing up there with the guys, we bantered, joked and felt completely at ease. We were hamming it up; being silly, being ourselves. It was perfect.
The view from the front of the ceremony was unforgettable. It was an explosion of color; the flowers, the ground, the walls, the beautiful guests dressed up. The most wonderful scene I could imagine.
The flower girls were so darn cute. They exploded everyone’s heart into 1,000 pieces. Their flower shaped sunglasses, flowers and little white dresses! My gosh.
The ring-warming ceremony. It was a huge win for Steph to approve the silly Basque Camino jig song – and so fun to see it come to life.
The big moment was arriving, the entry of the bride. The music Steph chose was perfect, beautiful, fitting and quite the tear-jerker. I broke down crying before she even came in. She was stunning, walking in with her Mom – everyone standing and cheering her on. Tears of joy, big smiles, laughs, such an overwhelming moment. The fact that we put so much time, effort, thought and planning into that moment does add to the enormity of it. The music, the people, the setting, the decorations, the outfits – it all contributes to making that moment.
Using the psychedelic analogy, this is the stage of the trip where you’re in a blissful cloud – you’re letting the experience wash over you and fully enjoying every moment.
It was incredible, surreal and amazing to sit up there, see the crowd, hear Amanda our celebrant, talk. There were lovely surprises, hearing Ezra’s words, seeing Margaret, Leyre and Louise’s readings come to life. The vows were a special moment, hearing them for the first time. Steph, being the perfectionist and A-student that she is, absolutely killed it! She brought our whole love story into focus, tying it back to the current moment and of course poking fun at some easy-to-hit targets of the “Patrick Persona”, me being obsessed with bikes, Caminos and being the silly and wacky guy that I am, deep down inside. Seeing Steph stand up there, the woman that I love and want to spend the rest of my life with – all dressed up and beautiful, as we declared our love for each other in front of all our friends and family – that is an image I will honestly never forget.
The kiss, the recessional (our walk together down the aisle as newlyweds), dancing to ‘You Make My Dreams Come True’, the ceremony we both worked so hard on, was over before we knew it. We were high on adrenaline and love. After our exit, we gave ourselves just a quick moment, for just the two of us outside on the street along the side entrance of Nou Roma. We snapped a quick picture and recorded a video. Looking back on it now, we were so overjoyed and happy. Unable to comprehend what just happened.
The rest of the day was a complete blur. A whirlwind of movement, love, quick moments, photos, smiles, dancing. It was completely overwhelming and hard to comprehend or fully absorb. I’m so grateful that we had some really good photographers, David and Carla from D’Althea to document the whole thing.
We walked to the castle together to take couple photos. We did a grand entrance and gave a speech. We did cool, Vogue-esque group shots with our wedding party. We tried to find moments to eat, although it was challenging. I don’t even remember being able to taste the food, my brain cells were overwhelmed with emotions, too fried to even comprehend the various sensory pleasures that were being inputted.
Family Photos!
There were moments when I felt completely high on natural drugs, overwhelmed. It was as if the molly was kicking in, the DJ was on point and the crowd was dancing as one.
Everywhere that one looked, it was a beautiful scene. The tables, the eating, the laughs, the smiles. From every perspective, it was unique and special.
We tried to make the rounds, talk to everyone. Have moments at the table talking to each other. Steph and I kept looking at each other saying “I can’t believe this is happening! It’s really here.” We felt like royalty!
It was hard to know what to do, to stay present, to not spread oneself too thin trying to do it all. I tend to absorb all the energy and get converted into the chaos, constantly moving, trying to absorb it all, trying to dance, maximize, fully convert myself into the energy of the experience. Steph, on the other hand, becomes more reserved, going a bit inward and experiencing it introspectively.
There were still some nerves and a few moments of stress throughout the day. In retrospect, I was overly attached to the schedule, the timing, the attempt to optimize the experience. That’s ok, I accept that that’s how I am. In the end, we did let it flow as much as we could. The day itself is emblematic of the entire process, of life itself – it can be a roller coaster of ups and downs. Luckily for us, the day was mostly ups.
The evening was beautiful, the lights lit up the terrace. The weather, at the perfect temperature. The greens of the plants made it really feel like a lush, exotic, Spanish, mediterranean, jungle, courtyard. What a dream.
The brothers speech was fantastic! Really great banter, hilarious moments and anecdotes: I was on the edge of my seat. Well done guys! The boombox playing the long forgotten audio clip where I declared my intention to move to Valencia because “I had to go see about a girl”. Ending it with ‘We built this city’: Absolutely epic and touching, they hit it out of the park. Margaret surprised us with a quick anecdote and heartfelt speech of her own, representing the Lorenz clan that couldn’t be there that day and expressing the love and excitement that Steph is, joining the Noonan family. Murray was an outstanding Emcee for the night, rounding out a wonderful cast of helpers for the evening.
Dinner was over before we knew it and the dancing began. Memories were created and forgotten. It was a blur of moving bodies, dancing children, cubatas, glow-stick thingies, explosive dance moves, broken cubatas, pent up stress/anxiety/angst to be aggressively released on the dance floor. Music was made, and humans danced, sweating to the music.
Between the cell-phone videos, DSLR flash camera and the professionals photos, we can piece the night together: the conclusion is that a rip roaring good time was had by all. Highlights include: the breakdancing children, the song, “I Wanna Dance with Somebody”, the brother’s rendition of “Ice Ice Baby”, the 20 minute techno set, the end-of-the-night group sing along to “Free Fallin”. Oh and of course, the Conga Line to the quintessential Spanish wedding song of “Paquito el Chocolatero”. The after-party happened as well, with a solid group of a dozen of us who kept the party going at Patty’s on Denia’s Calle La Mar, just a 5 min walk from our venue, bringing celebratory dancing vibes to the group of musicians that were rocking out to soul classics such as ‘Respect’ by Aretha Franklin.
Steph and I ended up back at the hotel at 4 AM, overjoyed with emotion. We were crying with joy at the day that had just came to a close, filled with gratitude that all these special people from our lives showed up and brought such celebratory vibes to our wedding. Everyone played a role in it. We cried our eyes out, basking in the disbelief and joy of such a special day.
Part 5. Decompression and Processing
The morning after the wedding we surprisingly didn’t feel hungover or tired. Maybe we were still riding high on the adrenaline-love vibes that rocked our souls for 12+ hours on the previous day.
We wandered downstairs to have breakfast with everyone. The courtyard had already been transformed from magical wedding back to regular Nou Roma. It felt so ephemeral, so fleeting. Did last night happen?
We had breakfast with our respective families. Margaret and I caught up and reminisced. I briefly saw my parents sitting together, enjoying one of their final breakfasts at the hotel. It was such a cute sight, they both had sly smiles on their faces. It was so wonderful that they could stay at the hotel for 5 days prior to the wedding and fully enjoy the peaceful surroundings and abundant breakfast.
After eating as many calories as possible and having double the amount of coffee as usual, it was time to get back to work and ship all the supplies from Nou Roma back to our apartment. Luckily for us, we had an absolute dream team of logistics managers. Tom, Adrienne, Joe, Emelie and Murray made the momental task much more manageable. We had to pack up the decorations and load all the boxes and plants in the car. I delegated duties and we all worked together to organize, load, transport, and unload everything from Nou Roma to our apartment. Throwing a wedding is a lot of work! There are so many details that go on behind the scenes – we are so grateful to have had the support and help from our friends and family. At times, we (by we, I mean me..) I was a bit of a dictator – a demanding CEO barking orders at his underlings. But the crew was always willing to help – and if they grumbled any complaints it was usually out of range of my ears. But hey, when it’s your wedding, you have the wedding card power – might as well play it! You only get it once!
We finished the manual labor just in time for lunch. To our surprise, Vacation Mike (my Dad) was organizing a Menú del Día lunch. The timing was perfect, the dream team logistics crew was hungry for some sustenance after several hours of toiling away in the hot sun. We went to our preferred lunch joint on Calle Loreto; “El Redolí”. We were all pretty exhausted from the previous day’s festivities but Dad was in rare form, garrulous as ever, ordering “una cerveza grande fria, por favor” and showing off all his cash: “I’m flush with pesos! That ATM around the corner is great, you just put in your card and it just spits out monopoly money!”. Everyone was cracking up at the absurdity of it all. It was a wonderful lunch, filled with laughter, smiles and plenty of bickering (aggressively discussing) tax law. We reminisced about the wedding and poked fun at Dad for suddenly being so willing to part with cash. He’s normally quite frugal, a very useful trait that he also passed on to his sons, but during the entire week he was extremely generous with treating people to lunches and even paying for the rehearsal dinner. He made a poignant comment to the affect of “It’s times like these that it makes sense to spend money, that’s what it’s for.” Bien dicho, Papá. (Well said, Father).
As we enjoyed lunch, friends and family waved and passed us on their way to their planned excursions. Steph’s brother and his family stopped by and said he could hear us laughing from 100 meters away! It’s the random interactions that we loved so much about this whole experience; it truly felt like we were all on a compound together – but it was large enough that we each had our individual freedom and space to enjoy it; but small enough that we could easily gather when desired.
The wedding, the gathering, the week of activities – we noticed it did something to people. It broke open even the hardest exterior armor and caused the gooey insides to drip out. Not just for us, the bride and groom, but everyone who participated in it. That is the beauty of these types of gatherings, these so called love celebrations or life-affirming rituals. We all have emotions and feelings – sometimes it takes a special event to access them and cause them to come streaming out. It’s cathartic. It feels good. It’s liberating to know that it’s ok to let it out, that it’s accepted, that you’re still loved, that it’s not a bad thing, that it’s a safe place.
The week after the wedding was a time to catch up on sleep, process what happened, collect memories in a scrap-book and take advantage of the final moments with friends and family before they left back to their home countries. The Noonan brothers and Father went on an epic bike ride to the top of Coll de Rates, a legendary cycling climb. We enjoyed perfect September cycling weather and views from the top. Again, it’s moments like these like showcasing one of my favorite bicycle climbs to my brothers and Father, finally giving them a real taste of what they see in my Strava photos and activity feeds, made the whole wedding ordeal worth it.
The final day before my parents went back to San Francisco was bittersweet. We watched photos and video highlights from the wedding with them, and Tom and Adrienne – reminiscing about the day and week.
Before we knew it, everyone was gone. They’re here and now they’re not. We booked a last-minute ‘mini-moon’ in Albir, essentially a weekend away at a Spa resort. As we drove down the coast, we let out massive sighs of relief and exclamations of joy as we realized that it was finally over and we could fully relax. What a whirlwind it had been! I finally discovered the purpose of a Hotel Resort Spa experience; just do nothing and relax. It is perfect after an intense 6 month wedding planning experience (or a bikepacking race). We relaxed by the pool, lounged around our hotel room like coach potatoes, had a drink on the rooftop bar with epic views and took time to reflect and process the insane experience we just had.
Part 6. Final Thoughts
The best part of the wedding was the week before and after—the steady rhythm of time spent with loved ones, the repeated interactions that deepened the shared love and support. The wedding day itself felt like a necessary climax, something we built toward. Yet, each day leading up to it felt like its own milestone. I often thought, “If this were all there was, it would be enough.”
From picking up friends, to the City Hall Ceremony, the Friday morning hike with the guys, Thursday Flamenco Night at Casa Benjamin, the rehearsal dinner, the wedding day itself, and the hilarious menu del día the day after—it was perfect. The bike rides, shared meals, and spontaneous moments brought it all to life. We made it happen, and now it’s gone, just a memory. Such is life. But it reminds us that when we set our minds to something, we can make it real.
There was so much to be proud of. Everyone loved Dénia. They explored, joined in on planned events, and made discoveries of their own. People got to know each other, and we had time to catch up with them, not just in passing but through actual meaningful moments. Dénia and our wedding week became the compound we envisioned.
In the end, the whole experience was in fact, very stressful. The body reacts to stress by overeating, sleeping less, worrying more- emotions are frayed. Mental and physical health are degraded. I don’t know how people can cope with high levels of chronic stress. Lucky for us, it was a project that had an end date. I know that many people have stressful jobs, child obligations, toxic relationships or health issues. We are so grateful that high levels of chronic stress are not part of our lives. I have much more empathy for those that are in stressful work or life situations; it can be overwhelming and traumatic. Of course, it’s the dose that makes it a medicine or a poison. In the right amount, stress can be a perfect motivating force to accomplish great things (physical feats, works of art, launching a business, or raising a child).
In retrospect, this experience had 3 distinct phases: the wedding we looked forward to, the wedding that actually happened and the wedding that we remember. In some ways, the excitement and preparation for the wedding that we were planning was one of the best parts. The excitement, the thrill, the possibilities. Then, there’s the wedding that actually happened; which was equally as special, beautiful, unexpected and majestic. Finally, the wedding that we remember is not only shaped by our own experiences but by the photos, the descriptions of those who also lived it, the flashes of memory that are imprinted on the brain. The ‘looking back’ version of the wedding is what we will live with, the nostalgia, the photos, the stories – and that version will likely change over time as well.
The post-wedding blues are also very real. There were moments of regret and anxiety that we didn’t experience it in the “right” way, that some small little details didn’t go as planned, that the DJ played songs we didn’t want, that there were some dull moments. It’s human nature to focus on the tiny problems, to look for things to criticize, seek out ruminations to be anxious about. All these worries fade away when we look at the pictures or reminisce about the day – it was 99.9% wonderful memories. I tend to ruminate about ways I didn’t fully ‘maximize’ an experience, being critical of certain decisions – but in the end, things happen the way they do and everything is beautiful in its own way.
Working together as a couple brought out every possible emotion. It was extremely challenging but also very rewarding to work through our differences, figure out what strengths we bring to the table, overcome the challenges and ultimately create something beautiful that we can be proud of. It makes me want to do more projects together, Steph and I, as a couple and it gives us the confidence to know that we can bring our vision to life and create something amazing together!
Again, this experience reminded me of the fleeting and ephemeral nature of feelings and, of life. One moment we were happy, then we were frustrated, then maybe later that day we were despondent, and by evening we were laughing at the absurdity of it all. Moments come and go and are always changing. This too shall pass. One tends to think that the current state will last forever, that the anxiety or sadness will continue linearly and get more and more severe. This is a fallacy! It will pass. Just wait for the next moment.
The bonding of families is a really special thing about a wedding. It is a shared, spiritual experience not just between the couple but between their families. We all go through it together which forms the initial bond as a new family unit. I felt much more connected to Steph’s family after repeated moments together and also working with them to pull off this wedding. In the end, it’s not just a simple one day party, it’s so much more than that.
Finally, here are the photos we put up at our wedding; an ode to our guests and some of the most important people in our lives who have supported us throughout our journey as individuals and a couple. And of course, a handful of awkward photos of us as children and teenagers; who would probably have never believed that their life would unfold in the beautiful and unpredictable way it did.
