After more than 2 years away, it was time for us to visit our homelands: California and Canada. Not only were we due for a visit, we were also excited to welcome each other into the family after we agreed to take the plunge into marriage.
It was the union of two different worlds: Steph from Canada and Patrick from California. We had only known each other in Spain – the version of ourselves as adventurous expats living in a foreign land. But who were we pre-Spain? Who are we now? This was our chance to not only know ourselves better, but know each other better – through the lens of our family, friends and homeland.
We felt like members of a band, locked into tour dates in various cities: The San Francisco Bay Area, Reno, Eugene, Portland, Seattle, Vancouver, Toronto. Each location was different; unique home, set of friends and family, perspectives on who Patrick/Steph was and the memories that were lived. Although we went through similar stories each time (retelling the engagement, updating everyone on our lives), each stop was special and unique in its own way.
It was an aggressive itinerary that was created 6 months ago when we meticulously attempted to include only the most essential stops to see the core friends and family that remained. At the time, it felt daunting, overwhelming – and let’s be honest – a complete ordeal. High plane costs, long travel times, clogged Bay Area traffic. For some reason, it seemed like a chore to us more than anything. But we knew we had to go, we knew once we were there it would all be worth it; and we were absolutely correct. It was a heartwarming and soul-filling experience; an adventure through past and present to reconnect with the most important people in our lives.
Moraga
It started off in Moraga – that would be our base for the first 3 weeks of the trip. Tom picked us up from the airport and we braved the Bay Area traffic to arrive to the sanctuary of Moraga. The summer weather was perfect; not too hot and a perfect breeze in the backyard.
The Noonan men promptly wnt for a bike ride. As the years pass, the similarities between father, son and brother only become more apparent. We all like to get up early, do physical activity (ride bikes, walk) and have trouble sitting still.
The parents were in good spirits and everyone was on their best behavior because we had a new member of the family visiting. Instead of directly falling back into old familial patterns, there was new energy in the mix, a special person that added to the excitement of the visit.
It happened to be my birthday and I got exactly what he wanted: a family Camino through the nearby nature reserve. The day was beautiful, the colors vibrant, the reservoir full of water. Growing up in the area, I didn’t appreciate how special it is; the easy access to nature, the peaceful rolling hills, the quiet serenity of nature. It seemed boring, quiet and not special. It was only after living life, traveling, being away – that one can truly appreciate the special things about where you are from.
Extended family came over for an impromptu gathering and I pulled the birthday card to whip Tom and Steph into action; they were the assistants and he was the master chef as he barked orders to create a delightful meal of Aunt Alberta’s veganized pasta. There were lots of laughs, chats, visiting and good times with family. I realized that we are a clan that doesn’t take things too seriously, we like to laugh, make jokes and we’re a smiley bunch.
It was easy and comfortable to pass the days. Steph brought new energy and it was fascinating to see her interact with the parents and learn more about them through her questions and curiosity.
No visit to Moraga is complete without a trip down memory lane by going through my old boxes. This time, I aggressively purged and said goodbye to old mementos, souvenirs and objects that no longer made sense to store. It’s always an interesting experience – the rush of memories from years ago, the moments of “oh yeah, I forgot you existed!”. The number of boxes were drastically decreased and a sizeable chunk was deemed important enough to take back to Spain. No use living inside a dark box; let’s give it life again in the real world. Pictures from childhood evoked special feelings as well – who was that guy? Is he the same? Is there an everlasting “self” or “soul”?
To know one’s family, one better knows themself. I was able to see my family, my upbringing – through the eyes of Steph. It puts things in perspective when you realize that no amount of rationalizing or self delusion can cover up the fact that you are your parents child – that you share half your genes – that those personality quirks, thoughts, rituals, routines – those are all a reflection of your parents. You’re more similar than you want to admit! But that’s ok, that’s acceptance. Steph was able to better know me, through knowing my family – to understand that those quirks I share with my family – well that’s me. I would experience the same thing when visiting Canada.
The quintessential holiday of July 4th – we dragged Mom out of the house and joined the festivities in the local park. Corn dogs, burgers, ice cream, beer and American flags. There was a cookout, a cover band, picnics and lots of smiling faces. We got the obligatory shots of Steph holding American flags and Patrick being overly patriotic to rile her up. Since moving out of the country, I’ve become more patriotic and proud for the little things that make the U.S. special.
Bay Area Friends
Who remains on the list of friends?
How have they changed over time?
How have I changed?
How do they live and how do I want to live?
These are the questions that were swirling through my mind during the “friends” portion of the tour. As they say, “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” Those that remained on the list are hopefully from the last category – but maybe it’s just a really long “season”. With each year, the list grows smaller – there’s simply not enough time or resources to maintain all the friendships I’ve ever had. The ones that remain are important and are to be nurtured.
The common themes are:
- Time passes but personalities remain the same.
- Kids are expensive, time consuming, cause sleep deprivation, require great personal sacrifice; but gosh darnit – they are ADORABLE. Kids of friends and family have a special place in your heart – even though they’re not yours, you feel a stronger connection and love for them and want to see them succeed and be happy in life.
- It’s always fun to update each other on your life, be excited to see each other, relive old memories and create new ones.
- No better way to catch up with friends than go for a walk in nature (or failing that, have a beer).
- It was fun for Steph to meet these characters that have only existed in stories and random photos – and find out that they are real.
San Francisco
I spent over 6 years of my life there and have many fond memories. It was time to play tour guide and give the “Patrick SF Nostalgia Tour”, showing off the best of SF that I remember: all the old haunts, neighborhoods, parks, sites and experiences. We spent 3 full days exploring the City by The Bay, and it was the bare minimum needed for me to be satisfied with the completeness of it. Nearly all of the spots were checked off the mental list.
The first day was an urban hike. Snaking through the vibrant streets of the Mission. Getting high on the strong coffee at the original Philz on 24th street. Ordering tamales in Spanish. Walking through Dolores Park, the Castro, Cole Valley. Visiting friends in Golden Gate Park at the Academy of the Sciences.
We meandered through Haight street, ate at the quintessential Inner Richmond restaurant of Burma Superstar, took a muni bus to an old neighborhood on California and Polk.
“There’s one of my old apartments!”
“I used to play volleyball at that spot in the park!”
“Boy, this neighborhood sure has gentrified!”
“That’s where the Full House opening scene is from!”
“Fly Bar!”
Another day was spent Lindy Hopping in Golden Gate Park for the weekly Sunday event: Lindy in the Park. It was a bridging of past and current worlds. I remember being fascinated with the event when I lived there and daydreaming about actually learning the dance. Now, more than 10 years later – I know how to dance it, I love it and I’m dancing with my partner as we visit SF. Afterwards, we wandered the park and were drawn in by the magnetic force of the roller skate dancers who were skate-dancing to funky music on a patch of concrete surrounded by grass. Each person, their own freaky identity, living their best life, dancing and skating in the sun. Groups of people smiled and relaxed on the grass; it was impossible to not to have a giant grin, enjoy the sun, the music and the expression of pure freedom and acceptance that is emblematic of San Francisco.
The next day was a whirlwind bike tour. Steph on electric and Patrick on his trusty Cannondale road bike (which was originally purchased in SF cerca 2010). Golden Gate bridge. Marin Headlands. Ocean Beach. All of Golden Gate park. Inner Sunset. SOMA. Embarcadero. It was an aggressive tour – and for my money – the best damn way to see SF in a short amount of time. Bike infrastructure had drastically improved since my glory days there.
